Want More Success? Just Say “No”
“No.”
It is such a strong, negative word. As someone who considers myself an optimist, I feel terrible just saying it. The thing about it is, I say it all the time, whether I realize it or not.
Do I want to work late to get ahead at my job? If I say “yes” to that, then I’m saying “no” to the time I would have with my family at night. Do I want to stretch my budget and buy that fancy car? If I say “yes” to that, then I’m saying “no” to the downpayment I need for my next house.
Life is filled with choices, and sometimes we make them without being aware of it. Are you the kind of person who don’t want to say “no” when someone asks for a favor? Well, unfortunately if you say “yes”, there will be other things that you will be automatically be saying “no” to. Of course that’s fine, but it’s important to be aware that you’re making these choices, rather than unknowingly making choices that do not align with your values or priorities.
Sometimes you have to say “no” to new commitments in order to allow yourself to say “yes” to other commitments that are important in your life. Here are some tips on how to say “no” effectively:
- Be up front: Typically the best approach. Describe your situation to them to explain why the situation prevents you from saying “yes.” They can then judge whether to approach you again for the next time. If you’re simply labeled as a “No” person, then they might actually skip you when they have a good opportunity in the future.
- Redirection: Point that person to a direction - to another person or another approach - where they will have a better chance of finding a “yes.” If you are a person who can redirect someone to an effective alternative, you will still be considered valuable.
- “Maybe”: The word “maybe” is sometimes a good euphemism for “no.”
- A Polite “No”: If none of the above options are viable, then a polite “no” should do. Sometimes you simply have to be direct without going through the messy details of the other approaches.
- A Blunt “No”: This is the tactic against someone behaving like a persistent salesperson. Sometimes the emphatic “no” is the only “no” they’ll hear.
Al at 7P
Mitcehll Allen
Ron Hitson
Chris | Martial Development
You have addressed a problem I encounter a lot. I find very hard to say “NO” without being guilty.
HI Shamelle - thanks for the feedback. Yeah, I totally know where you’re coming from. For me, the key was knowing that I’m saying “no” to something either way.
If the role was reversed, I would certainly want the other person to tell me “no” if I knew what I was asking for would deny that person something that was important to him/her.
Having ability to say “No” indicates sign of a strong and focused mind that does not allow perceived deviations to occur. So to speak - Noise barrier.
Great post. I just subscribed. Please visit my blog when time permits.
Shilpan
Hi Shilpan - thanks for the comment and for subscribing
.
BTW, you got an awesome blog!
This is good advice. Though, I try to avoid, “maybe.” Maybe can give mixed messages, which in the long run can be unfavorable for the person saying it.
If you know your feelings are unquestionably no, and say maybe, you’re giving the person the wrong message. Better to be up front from the get go. Though, I’m sure there are probably exceptions.
But I agree, saying no is of vital importance in life. And, it can take time to learn how to do it — it’s never easy saying no, but it is at times a must.
A good post, Al. I’ve subscribed.
Saying ‘no’ has a bad rap. For example we describe people as ‘naysayers’. However, as you’ve pointed out, saying ‘no’ is important for our wellbeing.
If we don’t say ‘no’ when we need to in order to respect our boundaries, we inevitably feel resentful. I think that’s a good indicator. In other words Feeling resentful means ‘use more no!’
Bamboo Forest,
Thanks for the comment - I do agree with you. I put “be up front” as the number one advice for that same reason. You’re right… if there is an unquestionable “no” and if I say “maybe”, I could be misleading someone.
When I suggested that “maybe” was a good euphemism for “no”, I meant that it could be used to essentially say “no” in a polite way. It probably works best with someone who knows you, because it would only makes sense if the other person can interpret the context correctly. For example, if I ask my wife if she wants to see a guy flick that she knows I like, and I get the dramatic pause followed by a “maybe”, that’s her way of telling me “no” without dousing my enthusiasm too much.
I do agree with you - if the other person could perceive the “maybe” as a real “maybe”, one should be more up front to avoid leading the other person on.
Mary - thanks for the feedback (and thanks for subscribing
).
Being resentful… that’s a great way to think about it. So many times I should have said “no” to something and felt resentful later. This is my own feedback telling me to not make the same mistake again. Great advice!
Good clarification Al. And, thanks for the enlightening post.
I like this - and need this - the ability to say “no” more often — and too the things which are less important in my life. So I can say yes to those things which matter most. Thanks for this reminder.
Hi Lance,
I’m glad that you found the article useful. I think the key to put this idea into practice is to realize that saying “no” sometimes is for the greater good. Good luck with it!