Are there activities in your life that you wish you were doing but didn’t have time to do it? Time on projects that you want to do but can’t? Time with friends or family? Time with yourself?

If this sentiment is strong with you, then you most likely are saying “yes” to too many commitments. Realize that when you say yes, you are also saying “no” at the same time to all the other possibilities that were your options without realizing it. When you say yes at work for a task, you are saying no to other tasks that may be more valuable to you and your company. When you say yes to working late, you are saying no to either your friends, family, or yourself for personal time. Since you’re already saying no to something all the time, the key is to learn when to say no.

Saying no is not always a selfish act – it took me a long time to arrive at this conclusion. If a someone asks me for a favor, I’m such a people-pleaser that I’m a sucker for saying yes as a reflex. However, by taking my time and energy to help this person, I will have less to do the things that are important to me and those that are important in my life. Saying yes to everyone is cheating the people who are closest to me.

There is an art to saying no… here are seven ways of saying no to a new commitment:

1. Up-front honesty: Typically this is the simplest and best approach. If they know the true reason why you aren’t saying yes, then they can judge whether to approach you for the next situation, which actually might be for a good opportunity where you would want to say yes to.
2. Redirection: Point that person to a direction (another person, another approach) where they will have a better chance of finding a yes. If you are a person who can redirect someone to an effective alternative, you will still be considered valuable.
3. Letting the other person say no for you: Don’t bear all the burden! If you know that saying yes in this situation is saying no to a more important situation, then just present your case and let the other person say no for you.
4. Not now, but later: The word “maybe” is sometimes a good euphemism for “no.”
5. Circumstances: Sometimes it’s not a choice at all… you have prior commitments, or conflicts of interest, or whatever. Your circumstance is saying no, not you. Make sure it’s legitimate though, since integrity is also important.
6. Polite: If none of the above options are viable, then a polite “no” should do the trick. You risk the chance of being perceived as an unhelpful person, but sometimes you simply have to politely say no without going through the messy details of the other approaches.
7. Blunt: This is the tactic against the persistent salesperson. Sometimes the emphatic “no” is the only “no” they’ll hear.